Where to begin?

5 Dec

Emotions.

Emotions, such a strange little word, yet it means so much. Emotions have ruled my life, they have made me happy, they have made me sad, they have given me every feeling in between from delirious to devastated, but today I have had enough.

When I have emotions no matter which way they go, they will always lead me to one thing. Food.

Food. We all need it, we have to have daily contact with it and for some, this is fine, they can deal with food in the good old “I eat what I need, I use up the energy I stay fit and healthy” but some people don’t see food like that, and sadly I am one of them.

Food controls me, it seems weird saying that, but I have come to realise it’s true. Now as soon as I’ve said that a lot of people imagine me sat here with cakes and chocolates fried chicken, pizzas, fries and burgers eating constantly and wanting more and to look at me, you would probably believe it to be true, but that’s not what I do far from it.

Don’t get me wrong, I do eat and I eat too much, but it’s not quantity I have a problem with, it’s quality, bad quality sugary foods that have no nutrition. I can get up and not eat until the evening as long as I know I have chocolate and crisps waiting for me. For the best part of 16 years I have eaten like that and I have now made myself ill. When I think about it, I wonder how it took so long, but there we have it, I made myself diabetic and now I have to figure out how to fix this.

I know the rules. I know what to eat, when to eat. I know to exercise. I know it all inside out. But I’ve known it all for a long time, but somehow I now just have to make it stick.

So I have decided to start this blog to try and help me, to keep track of what I’m eating, try and get exercise,  maybe see if there is any advice out there that makes sense to me.

I have a long way to go and its going to be hard I feel trapped and scared and tired and hungry, but I’m going to take one day at a time, write any thoughts down here along with my food and see where I go. I’m hoping keeping track of it like this will keep me motivated and I can look back over when I’m struggling and realise why I’m doing this.

Emotions can [and mine now must] be controlled.

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