Archive | March, 2013

Spring Clean

16 Mar

Last weekend I had the house to myself. Just the puppies and me. From the moment I got up on the Saturday til Monday afternoon I cleaned the house from top to bottom and I felt extremely proud of myself and very clean! It might not seem like much to anybody else but me, but I felt amazing.

You see this time last year, I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t even do one room, I found even washing up a huge struggle. My husband did everything, I just sat in front of the computer all day and did nothing. I never used to be like that, but as time went on and depression and pain kicked in, I just slowly did less and less and had no reason to change as he did it all (in ten days it will be a year since he left, but thats a whole other story! lol)

So yes, very proud of myself last week. Matthew went home to Liverpool for Mothers day and it seemed like the perfect time to do it. Of course I had to sit down and have a break every so often, but I did it, no help from anyone to move the cleaner or “just pass me that” it was all me. Plus Matty is hmm how do I put this.. quite alot younger than me, so cleaning at his age is a no no, it drives me crazy, but he is the opposite of my husband and wont let me get away with any of that!

Sadly I have had no letter yet :( which is getting me down, but no post yet today, so there is still hope!

Today would have been my nans 86th Birthday. This has been such a hard 11 months without her. I miss her every minute and wished she was still here. She wanted to make it to her 85th after she found out about the cancer and she did, we took her cards and presents and had a take away Harvester, but she didn’t remember it a few days later. I would do anything to have her here again, so over to the Crem later to wish her Happy Birthday.

Should be going back to the gym this week, we had a break with Matt being in Liverpool, so probably haven’t lost much, but I have noticed the Byduroden has kicked in with making me feel full rather quickly now. I also have these so called “pea” sized lumps under my skin and bruising on my tummy, I never had any of that until the six week mark, which is odd.. however, they are not pea sized! I have three of them I can feel and they are about the size of a 50p piece! and they hurt when I touch them!

Rona Irene Ralph
16 March 1927 – 25 April 2012
Love you xx

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Woo

7 Mar

As of this afternoon, 15kg (33lbs) down. I didn’t think there would be any difference as well. So was shocked and happy!

Dragged myself to the gym. Was happy when I was there, it’s just the going out part I don’t like I think. I still like the comfort of not going out for weeks, so sometimes getting ready and going is too much for me.

But 15kg since the start, I’m happy.

Getting it right

6 Mar

I went to the doctors yesterday. I had a glucose test last week and had to go in to see them as it was still high, but my doctor was very pleased with how much it has come down, I think it was 69 and it was down to 49 (why they don’t use the same measurements as they meters I don’t know!)

Although that’s more to do with the medication than anything I’m doing right food wise. My ldl cholesterol was back down to normal, it was very high, but my good cholesterol, is still way too low and the way to improve that is… exercise! But guess what’s lost all its charm now. The gym. I cannot motivate myself to go there at all, but I’m pretty sure it’s because I have menorrhagia yet again.

A whole month of bleeding is bound to get you down. It’s bad enough when it’s just for a week. So I’m hoping that’s why I’ve been struggling the last month. I have been given Norethisterone to stop it and it’s much better already this morning, but it’s really got me down this last month.

I told the doctor I got funding for the surgery. He seemed genuinely excited for me. He was shocked because he still thinks they only do 12 a year, but I told him it changed about two years ago and they do about 50 now.

No letter as of yet, but my post hasn’t come this morning. So it could still be out there.

I’m going to “try” and go to the gym today I hope I make it, I really don’t like paying £40 for nothing!

Dana has her surgery sometime later today. Wishing her all the luck in the world and she is as pain free as possible when she comes out of surgery.

 

Meh

4 Mar

I want my letter.

When I get the letter to see the surgeon I will finally feel like something is happening. I’m so jealous right now of everyone who can have the surgery so much faster. I want that to be me. How am I going to cope for eight months!

I’m working on a post about how I got to be where I am today, or at least why I think. It’s very long and bringing back lots of memories. I miss my husband. I really do. It was just me and him for such a long time, it’s hard now that’s gone. I am better for him not being here any more, but I never ever thought this would happen to us. It’s sad. We had so many dreams when we first met and nothing was going to go right for us and pretty much it was all my fault. That’s hard to accept.

I am with someone new right now, but I don’t think I will ever be the same with another person. Maybe its because I’m not a teenager, maybe it’s because I know life don’t always gives you what you want or maybe it’s because I just don’t think you can love more than once. I don’t know, but I feel sad for the guy I’m with. He makes me laugh, he makes me happy, he infuriates me! but something just isn’t the same. I don’t want to be without him because I would miss him, maybe I’m just broken.

ANYWAY!

I am hoping I get my letter this week. Keeping my fingers crossed!

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