Meh

4 Mar

I want my letter.

When I get the letter to see the surgeon I will finally feel like something is happening. I’m so jealous right now of everyone who can have the surgery so much faster. I want that to be me. How am I going to cope for eight months!

I’m working on a post about how I got to be where I am today, or at least why I think. It’s very long and bringing back lots of memories. I miss my husband. I really do. It was just me and him for such a long time, it’s hard now that’s gone. I am better for him not being here any more, but I never ever thought this would happen to us. It’s sad. We had so many dreams when we first met and nothing was going to go right for us and pretty much it was all my fault. That’s hard to accept.

I am with someone new right now, but I don’t think I will ever be the same with another person. Maybe its because I’m not a teenager, maybe it’s because I know life don’t always gives you what you want or maybe it’s because I just don’t think you can love more than once. I don’t know, but I feel sad for the guy I’m with. He makes me laugh, he makes me happy, he infuriates me! but something just isn’t the same. I don’t want to be without him because I would miss him, maybe I’m just broken.

ANYWAY!

I am hoping I get my letter this week. Keeping my fingers crossed!

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2 Responses to “Meh”

  1. dlleatherman March 5, 2013 at 05:27 #

    I will keep my fingers crossed for you. I really hope you get your letter. :)

    And if you are broken, I am right there with you. I feel the same way about relationships… like you don’t feel that all-consuming passion anymore. I don’t know if that means it’s not the right person or if it just doesn’t happen when you are older. I feel the same way about my current relationship.

    Keep strong and listen to your heart.

    • Hayley March 6, 2013 at 11:14 #

      It’s not good, I miss feeling like that, but it probably is to do with age now. It’s gone forever!!

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