Archive | July, 2014

I went Walkies!

20 Jul
My baby girls, Fudge and Cady.

My baby girls, Fudge and Cady.

I got off my butt and did it. Wasn’t far, probably about a mile, but all it takes is one step to get you started, hoping I can keep it up now.

I went out in just a t-shirt and no coat and I noticed it was starting to cloud over and get more windy, but I didn’t care, it felt so nice, just feeling the cold wind on my skin and my hair blowing, it made me smile and feel sad at the same time. 15 years of my life was wasted being stuck indoors, to scared or not able to go out. To be out there today doing this for me, no one else but me, felt wonderful. My dogs were happy, I was happy and for those few minutes life felt good. I keep thinking about the possibilities of where life is going to take me once surgery is done and I really can’t wait to find out now.

I really enjoyed being out with my dogs today and making good choices. I can’t wait for more of that.

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19 Jul

Yay, me and My Fitness Pal are friends again!

I didn’t get my walk done, but I did go shopping and looked longingly at all the lovely bad food, crisps and chocolate and none of it got into my trolley, I was very happy with myself. Hoping I am past the worst of it now and can get back on track before my operation, I was so close to my 55 BMI and I’m so scared to know where I am now. I am totally blaming the morphine and MRI scan, I was fine until those! lol

I need to remember why I’m doing all this, though in all honesty that has changed one hell of a lot now, maybe I will get into it one day!

Positive vibes for the end of the day!

Maybe I’ll get a walk and good food in for tomorrow. We can but hope.

H x


Off we trot!

18 Jul

I really want to go for a walk tomorrow.


Someone tell me to get off my butt please, I shall be ever so grateful.


Happy Anniversary!

16 Jul

To me and WordPress!

Apparently I have been here 7 years! It started off something much different.

It was a blog for my Silks on Second Life, looong time ago!


Still doing awful.
Going to try and post every day til it clicks back in, maybe, hopefully, it’s the plan anyway.
Having a hard time with things going on in life at the moment and I can’t fix it so feeling bad about that, which isnt helping me.

Posting useless things on Twitter if you want to follow, I shall follow you as well :D  ’tis me!

Add me! There is nothing interesting there though, mainly about Big Brother UK and some little things about Bariatric Surgery, I retweet info I find on it.

I’m Still Stuck

13 Jul

I finally made it back here, I stay away when I’m doing bad, just like push the whole blog and everything to do with as far away as possible because I feel useless and guilty and a complete failure, and coming anywhere near my blog is a big no no when I’m not eating right I feel like a fraud.

But I am so fed up at the moment, I can’t control myself again. Ever since my melt down I’ve been on a downward spiral and I can’t break free.

When I went back to Slimming World, some how I had gained 22lb!! Yes 22 in two weeks. I was devastated, I knew I had put on some cos I felt awful, I was expecting a stone (14lbs) at the most, but when I saw what it was I was shocked to say the least. I started to wonder if it could have been the morphine and it possibly was. In itself that doesn’t make you gain weight but, it can make you crave sugary things, and I couldn’t stop eating sweets that week and also you get constipation from it and I had it very bad, so I was praying that’s what had caused it. I came off the medication and I lost 6½ I was a bit disappointed in that and this week has gone awful again. I think I’m trying to do too much and thinking about too many things at once and failing at them all wonderfully!
I’m going to Slimming World as I have said and it’s a great diet, I know it works well for me, but at the same time I have a voice in my head (might be called Clare! not sure on that!!!) telling me its carbs carbs carbs and I need to avoid them. So I stay away from them and can’t be bothered to just eat Quorn, so I just end up eating cheese strings and peanuts, which then just makes me hungry and I will buy junk food, so I can’t keep doing this. I need to get back on the Slimming World plan and just try and limit the carbs, but no worry as much as I am about it. I still have a big stomach and it wants food in it! I will deal with whatever I crave after the op after I’ve had the op, I can’t keep trying to live like I’ve had it when I haven’t, it’s making me crazy!

As I’ve said I was only 5lb from the target I wanted before I went back to the hospital, but I don’t think I’m going to make it now, I’m at least 19lbs away now, and after getting an email from Nia, I thought it was going to give me motivation, but it’s just sent me into panic mode instead!
My brain just doesn’t work right at all! lol

This is the email I got, I don’t know if that means it’s potentially my op date or not. I don’t know what to make of it just yet, but here’s hoping!

Hi Hayley,


As you want a gastric bypass and that operation requires that both consultant surgeons are available until the 10th of September.

Letters will be sent out by the waiting list department with a date for your pre-assessment appointment in August.

How do I pull it all back together, I’m so confused :(


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