Archive | September, 2014

Change is inevitable

28 Sep

Still working on my hospital stay post!

For two years I’ve been at this, waiting and hoping, getting scared and pained and then finally on the other side. It’s great this side.

The first week or so, I was scared, I had been so focused on this for so long, I didn’t know what to do with myself, my brain felt lost, every single day I spoke about it, typed about it, wished for it, needed it, wanted it, then I finally go it.
My brain went into shock after that, what on earth was there to focus on now?! I didn’t know. I felt alone and desperate. My friends didn’t understand, how could they and the one person I thought I could trust, let me down in the biggest way possible, but I’ve coped, at my lowest point in my life, I realised I don’t need anyone.
I am strong enough to get through it all by myself. I may screw up, I may go backwards, but I will never regret doing this. Despite from day one post op, people telling me their horror stories, and one even showing me the hole between their breasts into their chest (my eyes!!!) I did NOT need to see that.
People saying they regret it. Yet they have all lost the weight and look great now and they should be glad not regretting it. No matter what they think, there is no way they could have done it without the surgery, if they could then they wouldn’t have been in the position to need it in the first place!
Anyway enough about things that don’t matter now! I have been on a go slow since I came out of hospital, I lost 8kg/17½lbs while I was in hospital, sat in a bed, but since coming out about ten days ago I’ve only lost another 2kg/4½lbs, it’s frustrating, but I’m not too bothered about it as I’ve lost 20inches around the biggest part of my stomach/hips and 10inches around my waist, so that makes me feel alot better, but I am hoping my weight will catch up soon, or I may have a melt down! lol

I made the most wonderful food yesterday. It was exactly what I needed, if I have one more sweet thing I’m going to crack up. Shakes and jellies and anything else my list says is just so off putting to me now. I am on puree food, but nothing was satisfying me, not that I’m hungry, but you still need something to get through the day, so I found this beautiful “lasagna” in a cup recipe, I knew I had tiny little ramekin dishes, so I thought it would be perfect for that and gosh was I right! It was divine, I only ate half of it, then saved the rest for the evening and guess what I’m going to making today!
Oh course I used Quorn Mince, no meat for me!
Nomnomnom I say give it a go, it’s delicious :) ea978c2c13104ae47b147b037bb00fa0

I’m so scared of dumping, I keep reading so many people who have experienced it who had the surgery around the same time as me.
I bought some Heinz tomato soup and it’s been in my cupboard, but there is no way I’m eating it now, someone who had the surgery a day before me had some and she was so sick on it, it’s crazy how many sugars are hiding in things, she’s dumped twice so far in two weeks, I’m happy to say I haven’t once. But then I also fear that the surgery hasn’t worked for me or my pouch is too big!
I haven’t pushed anything that I shouldn’t eat apart from cup a soup, but I was fine on that, so I’m worried to say the least, I haven’t had them for a week though when I realised how many carbs were actually in them, but still, it is a worry for me, I don’t want to be someone who it fails on :/ I guess time will tell and thats all I have right now.

So as my title says, I guess change is inevitable, I’m two and a half weeks into a whole new world for me, people will come and people will go, I guess I’ll get used to it, I have no choice!

Goodbye to the old friends, thanks for the memories, sorry my friendship wasn’t worth it to you, but oh well, your loss!

Now it’s time for the new, I’m ready for this new start, who knows who I will meet or where I will go, but it’s exciting to say the least!


Soon H x


Off we go :D

22 Sep

This post was started on the 18th September, but it’s taken me so long to write it through tiredness I just haven’t been able focus.

I finally got the “Yes” to go home yesterday morning, to say I was happy was an understatement!

Going to start from the beginning, if you’re not interested here is the short version, went into hospital, got my insides rearranged, came out of hospital and now writing this post :D

Tuesday 9th September;

Rang hospital in the morning to see if my bed was there, was told she had the day to find it and she would ring me back sometime in the afternoon. So I patiently waited all day, but by four I still hadn’t heard, so rang again. She said I had a bed there and to come as quickly as possible so it didn’t go! So off we went for our hour long trip to the hospital.

Start of the journey

Start of the journey

I got to the hospital and went to the ward, where they said the woman was still there and waiting for a transfer to Singleton, so I asked if I could go to the canteen to wait. Left my bags there and off we went. We sat there for a while and I said to my sister and Matthew they could go if they wanted to, but Ash said to check there was definitely going to be a bed there before we left. So we went back to the ward and was told that the woman was too poorly to move, so I didn’t have a bed! They had been ringing around to find me one, but were still looking, so they sat us in a room to wait.
After a while they came to tell me they had a bed on D ward downstairs in about four hours, so I felt a bit better, I told my family they could go after an hour or so and I would be fine.

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Amir, one of the nurses, came in to take some stats and decided my blood sugar was too low at 4.2, I hadn’t eaten all day, I wanted to make sure I got this damn operation, but he said I had to eat, so he brought me a cheese sandwich and some sweet tea, I didn’t know what to do, I knew I couldn’t eat it but I also wanted to do as I was told, so I asked if I could go to the canteen, but another nurse said she would see if they had some cheese for me, so brought me back a few sticks and some crackers and butter, so I ate cheese with butter! Very tasty :/ lol

After about two hours, Amir came to tell me that my bed was ready downstairs on D ward and Mark would take me down, (little did I know how lovely Mark would be later) I was so nervous on lift down, it wasn’t far, but he took me there and found me bed and left me with the new nurses. I am so new to hospitals I asked if I could get undressed and get into bed! lol

I got into the bed and I guess that’s where it started to sink in, how on earth was I going to make it through the night and not run (well walk!) out of the hospital screaming for my life! I had my iPad and phone, magazines and a book, but nothing could focus my mind, so I thought I would write a few letters to my family and my ex husband, just incase the worst happened, I was also writing everything down as it happened and what was going through my head, there was no way I could sleep even though I tried.

I think I might have got about an hour in the end, I woke up probably about 7am and went for a shower, to scrub myself with the antibacterial soap I had. When I got back to my bed, Dr Tom (I don’t know his last name) who is learning I think on Mr Barrys surgical team, came to see me, he listened to my chest again and I reminded him about my hernia and he said he would pass on all the info to the boss, he also said I was second on the list after a removal, I’m assuming it was a band. So I was expecting a little wait. I sat in the chair and was looking at my phone, then a nurse came in with a gown and stockings and said I had been called!
Oh god, then the panic set in, I put on the gown, which was obviously way too small for me, so I put on my dressing gown as well, then she said I had to put on the stockings, so she had a go and so did I they were tough to get on, so we walked to the desk and she asked someone to take me to surgery, then Nia came in and said no no no, back to your bed, I was thinking omg, that’s it, it’s been cancelled, I can’t do this again!
So she took me back to the bed and said to get the stockings off, I was having injections instead and to put on a different papery type gown, that opened at the front, which fit soooo much better. Then she told me this is it, I would be going back to G ward and she would take my things up and now we had to go upstairs and sign the papers and I would be ready.
We walked into the theatre waiting room and sat on the chairs, Mr Barry and Dr Morgan came in to see me, asked if I was ready, I said yes, but was thinking can I still run!?! Off they went and another man came in to walk me down to the theatre, I walked in and all these people were mulling around and I could see this black trolley and Dr Morgan, he asked them to get me a step so I could get on the trolley and said to take off the headrest so they wouldn’t have to move me down to the foot rest. I was panicking like hell at this point, my heart was going crazy and I was stood there looking at this step and trolley thinking am I really going to do this to myself, are you sure you want to do this, but before I knew it I was on the bed, feet touching the foot rest, untangling my gown from underneath me (don’t want to be uncomfortable even when unconscious!) putting my left arm on the arm rest, someone came over and put a cuff on me.. I think thats what it was, the Dr Morgan got the other arm rest and put a monitor on my finger and it seemed like my heart was going crazy, he put a cannula into my arm and all I kept thinking was calm down, calm down, but my heart wouldn’t stop beating crazily, Dr Morgan then put a mask on my face and told me to take some nice slow breaths all it was was air and to breath calmly, I remember thinking is this going to put me to sleep, hes lying to me! Then I think I felt something cold in my hand and my eyes were trying to close and I thought, I’m not going to close my eyes!

And that was my last thought.

I’m working on this… more soon! lol

H x

Juicy Couture Bag

17 Sep

For the last six days I’ve found myself with a brand new handbag I never wanted and been trying to get rid of.
It’s not really my colour, I actually hate it, but I guess it’s stopping me from getting poorly.

I’ve been dragging this thing around with me everywhere, I love it and hate it in equal measures, one because it’s draining this damn gunk out of my body, if I didn’t have it I would have been very ill by now, but two it’s stopping me from going home 😥
I’m missing home so much right now. I want to cuddle my dogs and get in my own bed again but for one week today I’ve been led here waiting and waiting and waiting some more!

The drain has almost stopped tonight, so I’m hoping today is my dad, if it is I might finally feel like making a post on the surgery itself!

In the meantime enjoy my juicy couture bag and all it’s glorious contents!





Well I made it!

13 Sep

It’s half two on my third night after surgery and I’m doing so much better. I really must be a wuss when it comes to gas pains, I knew it was going to be bad, but not like that. It was absolutely horrendous for me, but it’s slowly easing now and hoping to go home tomorrow and I can write a proper post about everything.
But I’m alive and on the other side, my life can finally begin :)

Waiting for my bed!

9 Sep

It’s going to be a very long night.
I was told to come in ASAP as I had a bed. So we all got in the car and off we went. Got here and was told the woman was still in my bed, but was waiting to be transferred to another hospital. We walked to the canteen to wait but I told my family they could go, but my sister said I should check first.
Went back to ward to be told the lady was too unstable to be moved 😞 so no bed, but they were looking for one.
They came back a little later to say I had a bed in four hours, so I’m sitting here waiting now to go to the other ward and get my bed.

My tummy keeps flipping and I’m so uncomfortable with my spine. How does everyone make it through this bit!


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