Change is inevitable

28 Sep

Still working on my hospital stay post!

For two years I’ve been at this, waiting and hoping, getting scared and pained and then finally on the other side. It’s great this side.

The first week or so, I was scared, I had been so focused on this for so long, I didn’t know what to do with myself, my brain felt lost, every single day I spoke about it, typed about it, wished for it, needed it, wanted it, then I finally go it.
My brain went into shock after that, what on earth was there to focus on now?! I didn’t know. I felt alone and desperate. My friends didn’t understand, how could they and the one person I thought I could trust, let me down in the biggest way possible, but I’ve coped, at my lowest point in my life, I realised I don’t need anyone.
I am strong enough to get through it all by myself. I may screw up, I may go backwards, but I will never regret doing this. Despite from day one post op, people telling me their horror stories, and one even showing me the hole between their breasts into their chest (my eyes!!!) I did NOT need to see that.
People saying they regret it. Yet they have all lost the weight and look great now and they should be glad not regretting it. No matter what they think, there is no way they could have done it without the surgery, if they could then they wouldn’t have been in the position to need it in the first place!
Anyway enough about things that don’t matter now! I have been on a go slow since I came out of hospital, I lost 8kg/17½lbs while I was in hospital, sat in a bed, but since coming out about ten days ago I’ve only lost another 2kg/4½lbs, it’s frustrating, but I’m not too bothered about it as I’ve lost 20inches around the biggest part of my stomach/hips and 10inches around my waist, so that makes me feel alot better, but I am hoping my weight will catch up soon, or I may have a melt down! lol

I made the most wonderful food yesterday. It was exactly what I needed, if I have one more sweet thing I’m going to crack up. Shakes and jellies and anything else my list says is just so off putting to me now. I am on puree food, but nothing was satisfying me, not that I’m hungry, but you still need something to get through the day, so I found this beautiful “lasagna” in a cup recipe, I knew I had tiny little ramekin dishes, so I thought it would be perfect for that and gosh was I right! It was divine, I only ate half of it, then saved the rest for the evening and guess what I’m going to making today!
Oh course I used Quorn Mince, no meat for me!
Nomnomnom I say give it a go, it’s delicious :) ea978c2c13104ae47b147b037bb00fa0

I’m so scared of dumping, I keep reading so many people who have experienced it who had the surgery around the same time as me.
I bought some Heinz tomato soup and it’s been in my cupboard, but there is no way I’m eating it now, someone who had the surgery a day before me had some and she was so sick on it, it’s crazy how many sugars are hiding in things, she’s dumped twice so far in two weeks, I’m happy to say I haven’t once. But then I also fear that the surgery hasn’t worked for me or my pouch is too big!
I haven’t pushed anything that I shouldn’t eat apart from cup a soup, but I was fine on that, so I’m worried to say the least, I haven’t had them for a week though when I realised how many carbs were actually in them, but still, it is a worry for me, I don’t want to be someone who it fails on :/ I guess time will tell and thats all I have right now.

So as my title says, I guess change is inevitable, I’m two and a half weeks into a whole new world for me, people will come and people will go, I guess I’ll get used to it, I have no choice!

Goodbye to the old friends, thanks for the memories, sorry my friendship wasn’t worth it to you, but oh well, your loss!

Now it’s time for the new, I’m ready for this new start, who knows who I will meet or where I will go, but it’s exciting to say the least!

Things-happen-for-a-reason

Soon H x

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