MIA … Sorry

4 Nov

A month, almost a month!

Before surgery I always wondered where people went after surgery. I would be sad when their posts would slow down, then eventually stop. I wondered why, now’s the time to post more, but apparently I’m guilty too and I now know why.

For two years I was completely and utterly focussed on surgery, it was all I thought about, eat sleep drink surgery! Every waking moment it was all I wanted and all I wanted to talk about, I had surgery and I got lost, my mind didn’t know what to think about, my reason for thinking was gone, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
When I came home from surgery, I felt fine, there were only small scars to show what I had been through and I thought I should still be doing everything the same, but oh how the tiredness came and I didn’t know why, I couldn’t understand what was going on, I wanted to be doing everything, but couldn’t do anything, it was a very weird feeling.

Tomorrow is 8 weeks since I had surgery. I am pretty sure I am back to “normal” now, but I am very frustrated  with the weight loss. Before the start of the pre op I was 163kg, today I am 141kg, it feels so slow to me. I know with Slimming World, I can lose 9lbs a week, so this is very frustrating, I came out of hospital at 145kg so to have only lost 4kg in 7 weeks is beyond annoying. I keep reading about how the body needs to heal and after seeing the nutritionist last week I know I was doing it all wrong, I wasn’t eating enough and nowhere near enough protein, she told me I should be eating about 800kcals and 60-90g of protein a day, some days I forget to eat, which I know in itself is a bad thing. So I have to eat more beans and pulses I’m slowly trying to do this, but as it’s not something I have ever done, it’s hard, but I’m working on it.

People have been very kind to me. Saying how good I am looking, how my face is changing, but I can’t really see it. I can from where I started as I have lost nearly 10 stone now (140lbs) but not since surgery.

I need to try to stay on top of all this and post more, fill in My Fitness Pal and track what I’m doing, but my brain is all over the place atm.

I have been thinking a lot this week about the surgery and all it’s implications.
I have realised that something has changed in me, whether I like it or not. It’s obviously a change out of necessity, because I can’t behave the way I used to around food anymore, but that is me making that choice, it would be so easy to sit there sucking on chocolate. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I am really making the right choices, but it was only this week that I have noticed how big of a mental thing it all is, when I’ve had people around me eating everything my brain still wants and I have said no, I’m not going to eat any of that, I don’t need it (probably in my head I am thinking I can’t have it anyway, it will make me poorly) but it’s making me feel good, knowing that I AM doing that for ME.
Even with the scales not moving, I would normally say oh screw it, but I haven’t and I’m loving that. It makes me realise how much of my life beforehand was for the instant gratifiction of seeing something I want and having it right away, no thought for consequences, (probably because it takes so long for weight to show up) my eyes saw it, my brain wanted it, my tummy got it. Regardless.

But people still think it’s the “easy” way out, they have no clue and are not worth our time.



2 Responses to “MIA … Sorry”

  1. Waisting Away Here November 4, 2014 at 18:56 #

    I’m the same amount of weeks out from my surgery as you and I so understand that feeling. The mentality that has to come with the surgery is almost exhausting and you don’t realize it until it’s already here. You think you’ve been prepared, but apparently not!

    About a couple weeks ago I had some depression and frustration regarding food. I’m an emotional eater and suddenly that wasn’t an option anymore. That may not have been a healthy response to stress, but at the time, it did make me feel better. I couldn’t find anything that would give me that same feeling. Thankfully, the cravings and frustration went away and I’m doing better, but I want you to know that all that mental feelings about food will continue to change the further out you get from eating the way you used to.

    Good luck! Healthy eating and any and all weight loss is something to be celebrating!

  2. Hayley November 7, 2014 at 09:37 #

    Yes! This is so true, I thought I would be great, but no dealing with it in reality is so much harder than you imagine!
    I’m glad you got through the cravings, I haven’t done too bad with that yet, but I’m guessing it will come soon.
    Good luck to you too, lets hope all this weight goes soon xx

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