Archive | May, 2015

Exciting times ahead

28 May

I was out shopping with my friend Zoe the other day. She went into Gap to look for clothes, it wouldn’t have been my choice, but I was looking around anyway and some things that were on sale for about £2.50 caught my eye, they were tops, one was just a basic grey t shirt, the other was an aqua coloured slim strapped one with side detail.
I was looking for something to wear at the gym, so I took them thinking they would be ok eventually. I tried them on when I got home and was amazed to find they fit! They were an XL, but I was in shock, sadly they don’t work together for the gym, so that was annoying, but I don’t care I bought something from Gap lol!!

I have been brilliant at going to the gym, sometimes twice a day and walking with the dogs. I am on a referral, so can only go at certain times, but Bryn and Jackie two of the trainers have been slowly trying to kill me. They are not letting me use the machines in the new gym, they have me doing other things instead as they are saying it’s harder and damn, they are right! I have never sweated so much in all my life, I looked like one of those soaking wet people who have gone crazy, someone who I never thought I would be!
It’s very strange. I cannot look at myself in the mirrors though, I have to stand at an angle just so I don’t see! I am allowed to warm up and cool down on a machine though and I did look down at myself and I noticed I couldn’t see my tummy… my boobs were sticking out more than my stomach, that felt rather good :D

Speaking of which, for as long as I can remember I have just ordered random bras from online stores, just hoping they fit in some way, they only got worn if I went out, which was rarely.
Never thought I would feel comfortable in a bra again, but after I went into Gap, I went into Marks & Spencer walked to the underwear section and asked to be measured, saying to the lady I don’t think you will have them in my size, but I just want to know what I am. And bloody hell I have a brand new bra that fits, from M&S, they have been lifted and feel bloody wonderful, how nice it is to have a real bra. I am so happy!

I am off on adventure tomorrow, driving towards London and meeting a friend for the first time. Excited and scared, but I love what I can do now, it feels amazing!

If you don’t hear from me again, he killed me! lolol

Hope to be back soon!

H x

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I might miss you but, having a good life, just like you told me.

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Fantabulous

22 May

Well I’ve had a brilliant few days!
I’m keeping Clares words close to my heart and keep repeating,  the scales don’t matter look what you’re doing!
It’s kind of freed me up a bit, which is a weird thing to say as I feel alot more focused! Yesterday I did something I never thought I’d be able to do! I walked to the highest point of my mountain and met Clare her husband and daughter half way and it felt bloody amazing. Not sure I would have made it all the way without them, but damn I felt good! This was the view that greeted me.

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The one and only time I walked up here my brother was in a pushchair and he is 31 this year, so it’s got to be close to 30 years! Thank you Clare, we both have tough times but, you are my rock xxx
I’ve also been back at the gym this week, went to a very fun aqua aerobics class this morning then went to the gym at 11, it’s exercise referral, but Jackie and Bryn wouldn’t let me use the machines and they damn near killed me! I never sweated so much!
Loving the roller coaster at the moment!

Soon H x

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I need a holiday!

19 May

I’m feeling miserable today! Don’t know what is wrong. So I’m cheering myself up with a coffee, although I think this is my reason for stalling, so I’m not sure the cheering with coffee is working any more lol

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I had a text last week from my bariatric nurse. She said Mr Barry had been asked by the daily mail to do an article and he thought of me as he had seen my blog and would I be interested in doing it. I had a shock, cos I still have a long way to go, but I thought and thought about it, I put a post up on wlsinfo on Facebook and their thoughts and experiences where what my own head was telling me.  NO! Run like hell and don’t do it! As much as I would have loved to possibly help someone who is stuck in a bad situation and wondering if they should do it like I was, the thought of the comments I would get completely put me off.  People are vile when it comes to obesity and I don’t think I’m strong enough to deal with it all, as far as I have come now, I just don’t think I’m able to cope with the nastiness. Made me a bit sad that the thought of what others say can stop me doing what I want but I just couldn’t face it. Although I felt very honoured to have been thought of!

I had a hernia situation again the other day, gone out for a walk with my dogs and all of a sudden I was in agony again, I was bent over in pain trying to get back to my car! Somehow I managed to get home, asked my dad to ring the hospital to see if I had to go to A&E or if I could go to the intake ward I went to three weeks ago, they said A&E so I told my dad I would try and have a bath and relax to get it back in, I didn’t fancy sitting there all night and then having an op. It was so painful and was getting worse, then I leaned forward heard a pop and I thought of God, but luckily it went back in! The relief was instant! It’s crazy, it’s still so tender though. So I decided to ring the hospital and see if I was in the waiting list like the surgeon said I got a call back a few hours later and she said my operation is on the 15th July! So so happy! I really hope it doesn’t happen again, it feels like I’m dying! I don’t want to go through it anymore.  So fingers crossed I shall be free of the hernia soon and no more bulging intestine attacks! Lolol

My dad nearly booked us a holiday the other day, but he has decided incase this happens when we are away and it won’t go back in, we have to wait! I’m gutted, I really really want to go away, me and my person are no longer me and my person, he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, so that is done, I feel a bit sad, but for some reason because it’s him that has done it rather than me, it’s making it easier for me. I’m not missing him as much as I thought because I’ve spent the last two years doing that when he moved back to Liverpool, we were just hanging onto something that wasn’t there anymore and I couldn’t give it up, I hate change, so him doing it is so much better, I feel freed! Though I do miss him being in my life if that still makes sense..  God knows lol but now I really want to get away just to have a moment to forget everything!
I found an 80s weekend at Butlins, I’m not a huge fan of the music, but my friend loves it, so I asked her, she was all up for it and excited, but 3 children and a husband with commitments put an end to those plans, but I still want to go, so I stuck a post on Facebook asking people to come with me! I’ve had a few replies! So now I just need to see if they are genuine and I’m off to take my mind off everything!

Something has got to get better!

Soon H x

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I apologise if none of this makes sense or is hard to read, I’m on my phone in Costa, so hard to format! Lol

Well I guess I got out!

14 May

As the title says, I took my own advice and got out more!

Which is why I have been a little absent. I don’t like it when I haven’t posted in a while, I feel bad, but I have been enjoying life after bypass that’s for sure.

So I passed my driving test on the 27th March and I don’t think I have stayed in since. My driving test was practically perfect. You are allowed 15 minors in the UK and I had one, I knew I got it as soon as I had to reverse around a corner, I messed up, but I was very pleased with myself. I still can’t believe I can drive, it feels surreal. I can just go out my front, get in my car and just go.. where ever I want, it’s an amazing feeling.

I’ve driven to Swansea, Cardiff, Birmingham and even Liverpool two weeks after I passed, I stayed there for a night in a Premier Inn and had a wonderful night with my friend.

I’m still stuck with weight, it’s been really disappointing me, but I was talking to my friend yesterday and I realised from where I was am a completely different person, my life has changed so so much, I don’t know myself, even from six months ago. I am confident and happy and can go where I want, the numbers might be stuck, but I’m not and I have to remember, I have lost 13 stone in total, my body might need a rest, I’ve been losing weight non stop for over a year so it’s had enough! I don’t want this to be the end and I will make sure it’s not, somehow!

To help my body get a kick start, I have been going for a walk up the mountain near me, two hours every day and it’s a killer, but I feel great when I get to the top, myself, my dogs and my thoughts, the sun is shining and the wind is cooling me back down. I’m loving it.
I’ve had a hernia for the last three years, but since surgery it’s been getting worse, it seems to push out so much easier, in my head it’s because there is less fat keeping it in! I ended up in hospital a few weeks ago because of it, nearly had to have an emergency op, but luckily (or maybe unluckily!!) I stayed in for the night and I managed to get it back in. I had gone to Slimming World and all of a sudden I started to feel a bit ill, I thought I needed to get home and go to the bathroom, but it just made it worse. Then I realised it was my hernia and it wouldn’t go back in no matter what I did. I was led on the bed for a while, but the pain was getting worse, so I rang my dad and asked him to phone the doctor, we managed to get in to see him, in what felt like forever and a day and he tried so hard to push it in and it wasn’t moving, so he rang the hospital and told me to go down.
So off we went to sit in a plastic chair in a ward, the pain was awful, I was pulling at my hair, shaking, boiling hot, I hated it. I finally saw a doctor, he tried again, he was pushing on my stomach so hard, but he couldn’t budge it either, so he wanted me on a bed with morphine, if it didn’t reduce I would be having an operation in the morning, but of course, there was no bed, so I spent the whole night sat on a recliner, it was so uncomfortable, I didn’t sleep at all. Luckily around 4am it made a horrendous noise and I gently pushed it and it went back in! So I got to go home in the morning and was told I should get an appointment in the next few weeks, unless it happens again and I will be getting the op right away!
It was a horrible night and the soreness lasted for about five days after, I guess from all the pushing on my tummy it was horrid!

So I managed 37 years without an operation and now I might be getting my second done within a year! It seems operations are like busses! lol

I’m sure there is more I have been up to, but my memory is terrible these days, I’m sure Clare will be reading and will let me know :p But hopefully I’m back to keeping the updates more update now!

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