I need a holiday!

19 May

I’m feeling miserable today! Don’t know what is wrong. So I’m cheering myself up with a coffee, although I think this is my reason for stalling, so I’m not sure the cheering with coffee is working any more lol

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I had a text last week from my bariatric nurse. She said Mr Barry had been asked by the daily mail to do an article and he thought of me as he had seen my blog and would I be interested in doing it. I had a shock, cos I still have a long way to go, but I thought and thought about it, I put a post up on wlsinfo on Facebook and their thoughts and experiences where what my own head was telling me.  NO! Run like hell and don’t do it! As much as I would have loved to possibly help someone who is stuck in a bad situation and wondering if they should do it like I was, the thought of the comments I would get completely put me off.  People are vile when it comes to obesity and I don’t think I’m strong enough to deal with it all, as far as I have come now, I just don’t think I’m able to cope with the nastiness. Made me a bit sad that the thought of what others say can stop me doing what I want but I just couldn’t face it. Although I felt very honoured to have been thought of!

I had a hernia situation again the other day, gone out for a walk with my dogs and all of a sudden I was in agony again, I was bent over in pain trying to get back to my car! Somehow I managed to get home, asked my dad to ring the hospital to see if I had to go to A&E or if I could go to the intake ward I went to three weeks ago, they said A&E so I told my dad I would try and have a bath and relax to get it back in, I didn’t fancy sitting there all night and then having an op. It was so painful and was getting worse, then I leaned forward heard a pop and I thought of God, but luckily it went back in! The relief was instant! It’s crazy, it’s still so tender though. So I decided to ring the hospital and see if I was in the waiting list like the surgeon said I got a call back a few hours later and she said my operation is on the 15th July! So so happy! I really hope it doesn’t happen again, it feels like I’m dying! I don’t want to go through it anymore.  So fingers crossed I shall be free of the hernia soon and no more bulging intestine attacks! Lolol

My dad nearly booked us a holiday the other day, but he has decided incase this happens when we are away and it won’t go back in, we have to wait! I’m gutted, I really really want to go away, me and my person are no longer me and my person, he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, so that is done, I feel a bit sad, but for some reason because it’s him that has done it rather than me, it’s making it easier for me. I’m not missing him as much as I thought because I’ve spent the last two years doing that when he moved back to Liverpool, we were just hanging onto something that wasn’t there anymore and I couldn’t give it up, I hate change, so him doing it is so much better, I feel freed! Though I do miss him being in my life if that still makes sense..  God knows lol but now I really want to get away just to have a moment to forget everything!
I found an 80s weekend at Butlins, I’m not a huge fan of the music, but my friend loves it, so I asked her, she was all up for it and excited, but 3 children and a husband with commitments put an end to those plans, but I still want to go, so I stuck a post on Facebook asking people to come with me! I’ve had a few replies! So now I just need to see if they are genuine and I’m off to take my mind off everything!

Something has got to get better!

Soon H x

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I apologise if none of this makes sense or is hard to read, I’m on my phone in Costa, so hard to format! Lol

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