Pop goes the weasel..

14 Jul

.. or in this case the bubble!

I have edited this post to make it less personal.

All good things must come to an end they say!

Tomorrow I am hoping for my hernia operation, to say it’s not worrying me would be a lie. No one ever wants to be put under, unless maybe you’re a plastic surgery-aholic! I want my hernia fixed, but it’s scary to have to have an operation again, then I don’t know how long I wont be able to drive or exercise for in the coming weeks, but I need to get it done so it’s out of the way and I can focus on other things.

People, more than one, have let me down the last couple of weeks and I am so fed up with it. I wish I had stuck to my own mind and not let anyone in, which is what I wanted. Hell I’ve even wished this last week that I had never met alot of the people I have the last three years because I would probably still be married right now and even though now I know I wasn’t happy or living life to my full potential, I thought I was happy and that’s what matters right? Blissful ignorance is only a problem when you realise it wasnt real! Yet more burst bubbles! I am breaking them all this week I can tell you!

I’ve been called many things in my life, we all know how it is when you’re obese. But never have I been called negative and miserable, infact most people think I’m the complete opposite. That’s not to say I don’t have my moments of course I do, I am human and a female one at that. We have moods and ups and downs, I get hormonal! That’s just the way it goes, that’s life.

But these last few weeks I have been constantly made to feel like I am moody and miserable and negative.

And I know I’m not.

I’ve tried to make the best out of situations and find the positive and be understanding as I know everyone has their own issues, but I can’t do it anymore.

I am on a journey, I am finding out who I am, I did something very positive for myself and I am not even a year out from that and I get annoyed and frustrated by things I can’t control, but I still put on a smile every day and get on with it.


When I was in hospital, on about day five the receptionist on the ward said something along the lines of “you are always so happy, whenever you walk past us you have a smile for us, I don’t know how you do it, I’m going to miss you when you are gone” It was a lovely thing to say and made me feel good at a shitty time, I told her I don’t think I was smiling on the afternoon of my op, but she told me I most definitely was!


The day before I left, a woman who was in a private room was moved to the bed next to me and she thanked me. Thanked me for smiling at her every time I went to the bathroom, it made her day, she said she was so lonely in the room, she looked out for me to walk past, to say hello and give her a little smile, she was so grateful to me for something I don’t even think about.



And I am happy with who I am becoming if you wanted to enjoy the journey with me, you could have. I loved our time together, you have shown me I can be with someone as I am, and it’s ok, I’m not someone to be ashamed of, I am funny and interesting and someone worth knowing. I can do things I’ve never done before and bloody well enjoy them and for that I truely thank you. Just wish you could have seen how happy I actually was instead of putting what you thought I was feeling, before me, because I was happy.


Yesterday was a fantastic day for not eating carbs, I say I didn’t eat them, I did however drink them!

But drinking milk doesn’t seem to send me into a carb spiral, I can deal with the milk as it is, just that and I don’t feel the need to eat bad food and I woke up today in a much better frame of mind.

I’ve going all day again without food and then I’m going to have the high protein pizza dip thats doing the rounds on facebook at the moment along with some cauliflower cheese sticks to use for dip! So tasty!

So all in all I am doing okay right now I think.

I am sad for the way things have gone, but it all helps us grow as people and become better versions of ourselves!

Hopefully be back soon with a fixed tummy and new adventures to have! If not it was good knowing you all!

Eat well, exercise lots!


H x



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