Ten Percent!?

2 Aug

I drove to Swansea this week for my appointment with the nutritionist.
She asked how I was doing and the usual stuff, I said it was ok, could be better, which she agreed with! I told her I sometimes had biscuits when I got up in the night to take the dogs out, not all the time, I don’t know why I do it, I’m not hungry.
db1caa9e4575c2d1503f71b46145996fShe got me to question the reasons why, which I couldn’t answer other than just because they are there.
She thought this might be the reasons for my stalls, if she thinks they can stall me then she doesn’t know the half of it! I sometimes feel out of control. Not because I am eating loads, but I do often put the wrong things in my mouth and I know full well I shouldn’t. I wish the side effects were more harsh and instant. I can get so ill off what I eat and yet it still isnt enough to stop me! People think this is the easy way out, they have no idea what we put ourselves through to be “normal”. We basically starve our bodies from the moment we have the surgery, we don’t get enough nutrients or vitamins anymore, our body is desperately trying to fix itself, our mind and body have no idea what is going on and we have to deal with what we have done, never be able to eat like a normal person again. Can’t eat and drink at the same time. Get ill or the worry of being ill off alot of food and we took the “easy” way out! Hah! Oh and then nutritionist told me that the surgery only actually accounts for ten, yes TEN percent of the total weightloss.

Yep, we cheated.

9c538c215ba8f2a8a28e4574cce57582I wonder why I have been a bit crazy lately, I think I might have found my answer! As well as coming off my medication, I have no clue what I’m up to anymore. My body is changing but my head isnt. Well it might be, but not in a good way.
I am trying to figure everything out still and I am making huge mistakes and I am paying for them. I don’t know who I am right now or even what I want.

People tell me I am things I don’t even see in myself and I don’t necessarily think they are true. I have realised when I am low, I am very susceptible to suggestion. Today I bought doughnuts. I didn’t want them. I bought three and when I got home I gave them away. Yes I did the right thing, but why did I do it in the first place?

I also need to stop being so personal, this blog is about me. But I have forgotten how many real people I know, actually know about this blog now (stupid Hayley!!) and I can be quite harsh with my words, both written and verbal and I don’t need to be. People I know don’t need to know this crap unless I feel the need to tell them, and somethings are better kept to oneself it seems.73c37abc421bfc69c7eeb134e9fce535 I have been through an emotional time lately and it definetely should have been kept to myself, but I’m not always the smartest person, which is becomming more and more apparent lately! I am infulenced by things and people when I shouldn’t.
But I can also put myself out there and do the right thing when I have made mistakes just as my doughnuts have proved! And the beginning of this week has started off so much better than the whole of last week.
One might even say it was the best day ever!

Sometimes perfection can be found, if time is taken to nurture it!

H x



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