Time sink

7 Aug

So I’ve been off Facebook for most of this week. I went back for a day or two, but have left again and I now realise how much time I’ve spent on there. You don’t think you do, but apparently that’s not true in my case.

My fingers and mind have nothing to do lol I had alot of news likes on there and it was easy to read and now I can’t see it, it feels like too much effort to go to each site to find it all. I liked having it all there in front of me.

So what to do now?

Without my Facebook AND friends this week I need to find a new way to entertain myself. Maybe I will get lost in Pinterest or YouTube.

I do have one idea, thats already been put into motion and I am hugely proud of myself for it. Only one person knows I’ve done this, so if nothing happens, it doesn’t matter as that person is now irrelevant in my life.

I do have high hopes though and it will take away my boredom issue instantly!

sad-quotes-about-life27Trust.

I’ve been thinking alot about it lately.

It’s a funny little thing. When you meet someone it’s kind of implicitly given. There is no communication about it, it just happens.
And it grows.
But when that is broken and the bond is gone, no matter what you do, it can never ever be the same. The connection is damaged, you can try and work around it, or over it or even with it, but in those moments when you don’t know where or what that person is doing, will you ever feel truly comfortable again?
It applies to both friendships and relationships.

I’m at a point where I need to make a decision to move forward or go back to something I once trusted completely, but was betrayed. Is it worth it? Will it bring back more bad memories than I really need to deal with right now. In one way it is tempting, because there were some very happy times, but in another I want to run away from it and never think about it again!

So many decisions right now.

some-of-the-best-moments-in-life-are-the-ones-you-cant-tell-anyone-about-quote-1I have been worried about this medication all night, so I rang the doctors this morning and he got back to me a few hours ago and has agreed to change it over for me, nearly made me go back on citalopram, but I managed to get out of that. I do have my reasons for not going back on that, lets just say I forgot what I was missing until I had it back again and I don’t want to lose it ever again!

I have a friend who has been on alot of this medication, shes on antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilizers etc how she functions I’ll never know, so we were sat having a coffee after our gym session earlier and she was going through all of them telling me what her experience was with them and which might be good for me!
She thinks it’s better to try and get back on something now before I end up too low and its harder to get back out of bad place. I agree with her, but there is also a tiny part of me that doesn’t want to go back on them
Yesterday I was feeling alot better in the evening, but I had taken something and was on morphine, so was it a psychological thing? Have I just decided I’m not going to let others affect me and how I feel as no matter what they have said to me, they are not in my head and they don’t know whats going on and why I do what I do or do I just not give a damn anymore.things_end,_people-119994
If you can’t understand me, or even accept what I do, then I don’t need you and I am better off without you. It’s funny though, people don’t want to be in my life, yet here they are reading my blog! How funny. Yes I can see you :)

Anyway, I guess I either have to limit what I say, change blogs or give up altogether, not decided yet.

Back to the gym!

And to get my HAPPY pills!

Soon.

Maybe :)

H x

To Mr Smith.. who I once knew.. but which one? :D

To Mr Smith.. who I once knew.. but which one? :D

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