Archive | September, 2015

Lets chalk it up to experience… again!

29 Sep

Not really WLS related, more dating or not dating! But it’s my blog and I need to moan again, soz about that :D

Life was so much simpler when I was married. I knew what was going on. Never thought I would have to think about another man again or get bloody hurt by them!

Oh wait yeah nothing would have changed and I would still be stuck as I was all those years ago, which wasn’t so great really was it!
Somewhere in the last twenty years though, guys have become more arseholes than before, or at least they’re not so coy about it anymore, easier to get away with it now with all these social apps that make it so much quicker to move on to the next person.

So as I mentioned last week I had met someone, it was the first person I had ever met like that from a dating app, probably the last one too because, yeah! I screwed up.
He came across as so nice and genuine. You can tell immediately if you have a connection with someone or not and we most definitely did, through messaging and when we met in person. It was so nice, I felt completely at ease with him which is where I messed up. We met a couple of times and chatted quite a bit he even came to my house and everything seemed fine, then for whatever reason he just stopped talking to me. Not a word.
terry-parks-quote-its-a-learning-experience-ill-just-chalk-it-up-to-thIf it had been a one off then fair enough. I asked him if that was all and while neither of us wanted a relationship we were both adults and seeing each other was fun or so I thought!

If you have changed your mind then be a man and say that, don’t just ignore someone. If you have to block them, so they know for sure that you’re not interested then fine,  but to just ignore someone and let them wonder and worry is really immature. I’m not a crazy person (sometimes!!!) but I am a person who has feelings and things like that just confuse me. If you don’t want to talk to me anymore or see me, then say that and I will leave you be.

If you just stop talking to me, I’m going to wonder if you are okay, did something happen, did you have an accident, are you dying in hospital, do you have schiophrenia/bi-polar/manic depressive/multiple personalities and having an episode right now or more than likely, are you just a complete twat who got what he wanted and now just moving onto the next without so much as a goodbye!

This is what Clare thinks, very good player, who ticked off older woman and sex while you’re meant to be working fantasy lol not sure I would go that far, especially if I send him this.. which I might, he can see what I was like before.. not so much of a fantasy then!

Hahah revenge! :D

I am so annoyed with myself for falling for it, I feel so naive, it’s so hard for me to let someone in like that for obvious reasons, yes I’m friendly and can speak to anyone but being intimate with someone is completely different, thats a whole other level, and I sure as hell don’t want to be someone who keeps meeting people and getting treated like that. He was either very good at faking a connection or very good at not caring.

Either one makes me feel like shit. So cheers for that Harry. You made my week x ;)

Never mind I have unmatched from him, deleted the app and his number and I shall forget he ever existed.
Although weirdly I noticed he looked at my messages at 7am this morning!
You WILL miss me maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow! But I am good enough to miss.. eventually! :p

This is becoming my thing it seems!

This is becoming my thing it seems!

Another one for the bucket!

Soon

H x

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Lets NOT eat!

23 Sep

Today was a hard day.

My beautiful niece was six and my brother decided to take her to Kaspas in Cardiff. It’s a dessert restaurant and I wanted to go to celebrate with them all.

But I did not anticipate how hard it was going to be! Everything looked at smelled amazing and they were all eating and I sat there with nothing, but I made it through, I might not have been the most sociable person there, but I got out the other side and didn’t have anything, I’m so good these days at going to a restaurant and just eating nothing, no one questions me. They might if I went in there alone and just sat there though hmm maybe I’ll try it! haha

But I seriously don’t think I will ever put myself through something like that again, it really isnt worth the mental torture.

I’m still going strong with low carbs, obvs, or I would have eaten one or at least some of those delicious desserts that were tempting me. I’m so pleased with myself.

I am getting a little bit unsure over what to eat now, its omelette, cheese, eggs and quorn, it gets a bit boring! I look at Pinterest, but when you have to work out all the macros, it can get a bit tedious.

In other news, I’ve kind of met someone who is really rather quite nice too.
I met him for the first time the other evening and we had a really nice night. I can’t see it going very far, but it’s given me confidence again, which is what I needed after the last disaster!
And I really need to stop worrying about my body, if you meet the right person, none of it matters and they can actually make you feel amazing. Some people just really don’t care about the things you think are a deal breaker!

I did however speak to my doctor the other day about my legs. He said to speak to the surgeon, which I guessed he would. He said the chances of getting it done without paying for it, is slim. I had a feeling that would happen. I obviously will talk to them the next time I go there (if I ever get a letter asking me again!) as it is affecting me, they’re in the way. I don’t want them to look perfect, I want them to not have fat pockets rubbing together getting in the way.

I also decided to get my bloods done on my own and my parathyroid is raised again, having it retested again tomorrow, but I can’t see it changing as it’s been like that since the last time I was tested.

Not completely sure what this means, I think it mean’s I’m lacking calcium, however that is a normal number, so very weird!

Soon

H x

lou-holtz-quote

Week down

21 Sep

Last monday I started low carb properly. I have been in ketosis, well I am assuming I am thanks to Ketostix, but not completely sure!

Oh how true!

Oh how true!

I have kept under 20g of carbs most days, there may have been one or two below 25, but never above for the last week. I think I am still struggling a bit. The scales are not moving at al, which of course discourages you, but I am not going to give up yet. But there is one thing I have given up.. milk! It’s still killing me, but the lovely people at my local Costa are allowing me to bring in unsweetened Soya milk, so I can still kind of have a latte, its not the same as milk, not even close, but it’s better than nothing and I get to go to my fave place still! They are not meant to do 8e3b133044ffd295d37fa042418d8e5bit, but as I’m there all the time and bring everyone, they are allowing me to do it.

What can I say? They love me!

I was hoping to be discharged from the district nurse today, but I forgot I had to go for a diabetic retinopathy screening, so I had to cancel and she should come tomorrow, so fingers crossed I get freedom.

Which means… Gym, I should be able to go back this week and I cannot wait.

It’s been six long weeks of healing and no exercise and I am ready to get sweaty again.

I haven’t really got much to update at the moment, things are pretty quiet with me not being able to do much. I did drive to Liverpool last weekend and had the best slice of pizza I have ever tasted. Thank you Matthew, I waited almost four years and constantly being told how great it was and he was bloody right! I enjoyed every mouthful.

Now how to recreate it keto style! lol

7744cb7d2bafca39addf0ba22809890f

I need more FAT!!! Less Protein and I’m under on carbs!!! What do I dooooo?!

Surgiversary!

10 Sep

Surgiversary-300x255

A whole frigging year!

Roux-En-Y September 10 2014

I can’t believe that’s over. This time last year I was unaware of what was happening to my body. Completely unconscious and NOT prepared for that pain, or the eight day stay in hospital!

But it was totally worth it.

Two pounds, two damn pounds off 200lbs in total. And so happy.

At my heaviest I weighed 203kg/448, 165kg/363/lbs before I started pre op and 155kg/341lbs the day before surgery. I am now 113kg/250lbs. I would have liked more after surgery. But in total it is alot to lose. It’s a large man to lose I guess. Who needs one of them strapped to their body all day?

Oh wait :D

I am not where I want to be. And who knows if I ever will be. But I am a completely different person as I have said many times. My life is unrecognisable from when I first started this blog. I didn’t leave the house for over three years, and alot of that time I didn’t even leave my bedroom. I was someone I didn’t recognise, that wasn’t who I was when I was younger, I was being suffocated in more ways than one by the fat that surrounded me.

82ea2429e80bf8d49b9276aecaa43ca7I will never be a slim person, I let myself get too big before doing something about it, there is too much excess skin and fat that’s just never going to move on my body, but I can be happy and healthier than I have been in the last twenty years and for that I am ever so grateful to my surgery.

It’s been a huge rollercoaster of emotions and feelings and thoughts. I’ve met some wonderful and not so wonderful people along the way and I am so glad I have these people in my life now. Without surgery they wouldn’t be here and they have turned out to be some of my closest friends now.

One in particular I probably wouldn’t have got through the year without her. She has been my rock.. sometimes a rock that hits me in the head, but a rock none the less and I love her to pieces. And without surgery and this blog she wouldn’t be a part of my life right now. So if nothing else had come out of all this at least I have that. But it did, so she is just a bonus! lol

So now I guess we need some pics!

Soon

H x

Finally went walkies!

4 Sep

I almost went the other day, but got distracted by a friend and am so bored at the moment, so I took my dogs and went up the mountain!

I didn’t go all the way up, I drove up as high as I could and took a slow walk across the flattest part. There are a few inclines, but nothing like walking from either carpark up to Blaen Bran or to the top where the ariel is.

The sun was shining and the breeze was lovely, it was just what we needed, poor dogs haven’t been out far in three weeks. We sat on a tree log for a while and just enjoyed it.2015-09-04 13.08.51On the way back I did get a little tired, its funny how not working out for three weeks can change your fitness, okay there was an operation and complications in the middle of that, but it was strange getting tired on that little walk, I am so missing going to the gym and can’t wait until I can get back to it.

Packing!

Packing!

The one district nurse Lindsey thinks I will be done by next week. Still can get a fair bit of packing in there and changing to the aquacel has made it bleed more, just want it all to be finished now. Hopefully soon!

Food is still going well, staying away from carbs and feeling good about that. I haven’t even craved anything during the week before my period which is a bonus! Normally I am horiffic the week before craving everything in sight.

I’m debating whether to actually go on real dates at the moment too. Like I said before I have been talking to people, but most of them are so damn odd! The amount of strange things people have said to me over the last few weeks has been unreal! When I was last single, men were NOT like this at all. I have no idea what these “men” think women want these days, all I know it is not what they are offering me! Well not for me anyway, I have no idea about other people, but my god, it is awful! I think I could start a whole new blog on internet dating and the things they say! It would be quite funny!

Anyone know where all the normal men are these days? Someone guide me that way please!

Soon

H x

Well that’s a nice suprise!

2 Sep

2015-09-02 08.37.57I woke up to this number this morning. Very happy Hayley!

I cannot remember being in this stone bracket on the way up, I remember being in the 16s and 18s but not this. The last time I would have weighed this was sometime in 1996, almost 20 years ago!

Oh well at least its going down now. I have been stuck in the 18s for such a long time. Probably three months, but I’ve made some changes this week and it’s moving again.

Guess what the problem is.. carbs. Cut them down and it starts moving, even without exercising, as I haven’t done any of that, cannot wait to get back to it, but I think it’s going to be at least another two weeks. My carbs have probably been under 60g a day, I haven’t actually tracked them, though I should. Still driking my lattes though, so I know it’s still quite high.

2015-09-02 11.37.53I’m slowly healing, have the district nurse coming everyday to pack and change the dressing. Shes just been and it’s surprising how much aquacel can fit in the cavity! But that’s alot better than the kaltostat I had up til yesterday. I hate the fact that they burned me with what I’m assuming is the cauterising tool! Made me mad. It’s all a mess, but at least its a healing mess now lol

In more good news, I bought myself a jacket from Next yesterday, in a size 20 and I love it. I also tried on the jeans I bought from there a few weeks ago and they fit quite well I even feel comfortable sat down. So everything is all going in the right direction again.

Editing to say I just wore the jacket out and it was really weird,I have never worn green before or a jacket like this! I almost feel….   Normal!

2015-09-02 11.54.44

New Jacket!

I’ve had a few bad months, but that’s all passed me now and I’m quite happy again!

I hopefully have an exciting week next week. Not sure I’m doing the right thing yet, but time will tell and I’ll let you know if/when it happens!

Soon

H x

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