Archive | October, 2015

417 day Checkup!

21 Oct

As I mentioned a few weeks a go I’ve been changing my antidepressants, I came of Citalopram and went onto Mirtazapine for one day until I realised it could put weight on quickly and then changed to Venlafaxine.

But all of them can affect both your weight and libido and I don’t want either of those to change, unless the weight is going down of course! That I can cope with lol

So I was looking into it and found Bupropion which has no adverse affects on either of those things. This is what I need in my life!

Only one problem.
It’s not prescribed in the UK for depression, only under the name Zyban to quit smoking.

Balls.
3438a328deada716677fc9f55787ad32So I had my work cut out for me! I went to the doctor last week and started on my persuasion technique! Which turned out to be amazing as he quite quickly agreed with me and prescribed me the bupropion for depression. So I have been on those the last week.I guess time will tell if they are working. He didn’t even know what dose to give me as there are no NICE guidelines for depression lol so we are just winging it right now and hoping for the best!

I was worried they had forgotten about me in Swansea and I was not going to get my years check up. But today I got to go over there to see how things are going.

Sadly I didn’t get to see Mr Barry, but I got to see Nia instead, all in their new building, which was very fancy, I had to scan my letter to say I was there, then you wait around and get called into another area of the hospital via a big tv screen. Was all different.

With my powers of persuasion with my GP I was ready to start with Mr Barry in the hopes I can get my legs done. I didn’t have much hope, but I had to give it a try, but with him not being there I had to talk to Nia instead, which as soon as I showed her, she agreed with me, she asked what else and looked at my tummy and pubis and arms. Shes going to send in the referral for it all, so I was very pleased with that.
il_214x170.828439432_1v0wShe told me that at first it would be declined, they always are, they then send a rejection letter to your doctor and you have to ask them to appeal. But whatever you do, do not use psychological issues for it, it has to be physical, infections etc, they will flat out refuse it always was psychological reasons, which is dumb as things like nose and boob jobs get done for that and it obviously does affect you in that way too. But having arthritis in both hips and spine is going to help with my case as it is pulling down and causing more pain.

I’m so excited to get the ball rolling on this! Maybe by 2017 I shall be excess skin free! Well hopefully on my legs and pubis at least!

She was very happy with my progress. I said I think I’m stuck now, but it’s hard to know what to do now as I didn’t get to see a surgeon, which is disappointing.
She said Mr Barry wanted her to ask me if I would talk to medical students in the future, which I said I would. She tells everyone I have a blog and I’m evangelical about the whole process, whatever the hell that means! lol

But I was happy with my visit today.

Let’s hope for an even better second year!

Soon

H x

rex-johnson-quote-lets-put-it-this-way-its-been-a-good-year

I was right!

18 Oct

Back at the gym two weeks this week.
Although I haven’t done as much as I would like, for one I’m still a tiny bit scared of hurting myself and two my youngest brothers car has been in the garage for a week and a half so I was taking him back and fourth to work, so it completely cut into my day and stopped me going to classes.
I am done with that now, I’m such a great sister! So hoping this week I can do more at the gym and start enjoying it more.

2015-10-04 11.33.39 2015-10-04 11.33.20I bought my first ever full length mirror the other week as well. I have never in my whole life owned one. It’s very surreal looking in it and seeing my reflection, I have to keep going there just to look at myself. I have no clue what I look like even when I’m actually looking at myself.

I went to a surprise party last night. A family friend is terminal and her daughter arranged a party for her, it was so nice and a complete surprise for her, but she loved it. It’s horiffic how skinny she is. She doesn’t have an ounce of fat on her body. She has had a roux-en-y only hers is for the original reason it was developed. Cancer. She hasn’t been able to eat for weeks now. It’s heartbreaking and as she has already had stretches and a stent, I don’t think there is anything they can do for her. She’s just wasting away. It’s such a shame. Having that operatioin has saved my life. For her, although it has given her a few extra years with her family, it’s now (along with the cancer!) killing her.

People telling me how amazing I looked and where had I gone, is still so hard to accept though. I don’t feel it. I still see me as 440 odd pounds. As soon as I walk away from the mirror, thats it. I’m huge again! It’s sureal. Men talking to me is also very awkward, I had it all night and I feel like such a fraud. When we walked in, this georgous guy started talking to me. Then I lost him. So I am so going back there sometime to try and find him again! hahah

Speaking of guys.

This post has been on my mind lately, in particular this sentence;

Never mind I have unmatched from him, deleted the app and his number and I shall forget he ever existed.
Although weirdly I noticed he looked at my messages at 7am this morning!
You WILL miss me maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow! But I am good enough to miss.. eventually! :p

I got a message, well quite a few of them last Wednesday asking how I was and apologising to me for what happened and ignoring me. Saying he went about it all the wrong way and shouldn’t have done it. He was afraid of getting into a relationship which he didn’t want. I told him it was fine and that was that. Then I got another message from him on Friday and he ended coming over for a few hours and we had a nice time. Talked alot! Which was interesting to say the least.

We still don’t want a relationship, but it is what it is. He is awful at messaging, but I accept that now and just leave him be. He knows where I am.

So I guess I am worth missing after all! Or at least part of me is :D

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Gym bunny is back!

2 Oct

Went to a class Wednesday, was a little bit worried, but I kept it nice and easy and enjoyed it alot.

Was worried I wouldn’t get back into it, but I did and went again yesterday and just about to go pick my friend up now so we can go again this morning.

Don’t think I need to worry about not wanting to go just yet!

247lbs

247lbs

Especially as yesterday I woke up to this lovely little number yesterday and again this morning.

Happy Hayley!

Soon

H x

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