I was right!

18 Oct

Back at the gym two weeks this week.
Although I haven’t done as much as I would like, for one I’m still a tiny bit scared of hurting myself and two my youngest brothers car has been in the garage for a week and a half so I was taking him back and fourth to work, so it completely cut into my day and stopped me going to classes.
I am done with that now, I’m such a great sister! So hoping this week I can do more at the gym and start enjoying it more.

2015-10-04 11.33.39 2015-10-04 11.33.20I bought my first ever full length mirror the other week as well. I have never in my whole life owned one. It’s very surreal looking in it and seeing my reflection, I have to keep going there just to look at myself. I have no clue what I look like even when I’m actually looking at myself.

I went to a surprise party last night. A family friend is terminal and her daughter arranged a party for her, it was so nice and a complete surprise for her, but she loved it. It’s horiffic how skinny she is. She doesn’t have an ounce of fat on her body. She has had a roux-en-y only hers is for the original reason it was developed. Cancer. She hasn’t been able to eat for weeks now. It’s heartbreaking and as she has already had stretches and a stent, I don’t think there is anything they can do for her. She’s just wasting away. It’s such a shame. Having that operatioin has saved my life. For her, although it has given her a few extra years with her family, it’s now (along with the cancer!) killing her.

People telling me how amazing I looked and where had I gone, is still so hard to accept though. I don’t feel it. I still see me as 440 odd pounds. As soon as I walk away from the mirror, thats it. I’m huge again! It’s sureal. Men talking to me is also very awkward, I had it all night and I feel like such a fraud. When we walked in, this georgous guy started talking to me. Then I lost him. So I am so going back there sometime to try and find him again! hahah

Speaking of guys.

This post has been on my mind lately, in particular this sentence;

Never mind I have unmatched from him, deleted the app and his number and I shall forget he ever existed.
Although weirdly I noticed he looked at my messages at 7am this morning!
You WILL miss me maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow! But I am good enough to miss.. eventually! :p

I got a message, well quite a few of them last Wednesday asking how I was and apologising to me for what happened and ignoring me. Saying he went about it all the wrong way and shouldn’t have done it. He was afraid of getting into a relationship which he didn’t want. I told him it was fine and that was that. Then I got another message from him on Friday and he ended coming over for a few hours and we had a nice time. Talked alot! Which was interesting to say the least.

We still don’t want a relationship, but it is what it is. He is awful at messaging, but I accept that now and just leave him be. He knows where I am.

So I guess I am worth missing after all! Or at least part of me is :D

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