Tag Archives: costa coffee

Week down

21 Sep

Last monday I started low carb properly. I have been in ketosis, well I am assuming I am thanks to Ketostix, but not completely sure!

Oh how true!

Oh how true!

I have kept under 20g of carbs most days, there may have been one or two below 25, but never above for the last week. I think I am still struggling a bit. The scales are not moving at al, which of course discourages you, but I am not going to give up yet. But there is one thing I have given up.. milk! It’s still killing me, but the lovely people at my local Costa are allowing me to bring in unsweetened Soya milk, so I can still kind of have a latte, its not the same as milk, not even close, but it’s better than nothing and I get to go to my fave place still! They are not meant to do 8e3b133044ffd295d37fa042418d8e5bit, but as I’m there all the time and bring everyone, they are allowing me to do it.

What can I say? They love me!

I was hoping to be discharged from the district nurse today, but I forgot I had to go for a diabetic retinopathy screening, so I had to cancel and she should come tomorrow, so fingers crossed I get freedom.

Which means… Gym, I should be able to go back this week and I cannot wait.

It’s been six long weeks of healing and no exercise and I am ready to get sweaty again.

I haven’t really got much to update at the moment, things are pretty quiet with me not being able to do much. I did drive to Liverpool last weekend and had the best slice of pizza I have ever tasted. Thank you Matthew, I waited almost four years and constantly being told how great it was and he was bloody right! I enjoyed every mouthful.

Now how to recreate it keto style! lol

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I need more FAT!!! Less Protein and I’m under on carbs!!! What do I dooooo?!

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Lessons to learn.

8 Aug

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I walked into Costa this morning and one of the girls turned around and said “Omg look at you, I can really see how much weight you have lost!”
I still find it so hard to deal with, it feels nice of course, but my brain doesn’t like it. I hear myself saying, yeah but I go so much more to lose. Wish I could just appreciate it for what it was and learn to enjoy it. Always making excuses!

I have to keep remembering where I am now. I started to make an album yesterday, click link to have a look at some pics. Hopefully it works.

Here are three face pics from there, first is 2013, one is day of surgery and other is last night. Crazy!

I don’t see the change until I really look at something like this. And it is working! I feel amazing, I just need my head to hurry and catch up. But people in my life are really not helping with that at the moment though.

Got my new meds yesterday, had a tablet this morning and ended up back in bed for four hours! Maybe I need to take them at night in future! I could quite happily go back there now as well.
Not planning on the gym today, want to do something with the dogs, not sure yet, was meant to be going to Bristol balloon fiesta, but because of certain people, I left it too late and all the car parking spaces were gone.
Ah well maybe next year!

Still feeling a bit lost but coming to terms with everything.
Antipsychotics and mood stabilisers do not strip me of my personality and make me malleable to do what others want because I have no clue of what I want.
I can smile knowing that I’ve got my own mind, my own personality that won’t be pushed around and I’m most definitely NOT a wet fish.
That makes me so happy!
Can you really call it a happy relationship, or even an actual relationship, when you don’t even know the real person, when they are so dumbed down on medication you don’t know who they are?
The real person only came out when the meds stopped. And that person isnt very nice.
But I guess as long as they need you, and depend on you, and my god do you have to be needed, it feels good for you to be needed. It’s your own fake love bubble. Enjoy while it lasts! I’ll never understand it.

Always be moving forward not backward.

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That is my new motto! Thank you Johnny.

wpid-1d7786383f37a0b5d5d9bc420cd1b363.jpgAs they say I guess everything is sent to try us and I have most definitely been tried!
I’ve been told alot lately lucky escape! Lucky escape! But I need to make my own call on that. Not be made to feel it’s my only option.
I will get to where I need to be when my brain has caught up, until then you’re just pushing me away.

I have to do what is right for me and I might not always make the right choices, it might take me twenty years, but I’ll get there!

And when I do get there, I will have learnt a lesson and that’s what its all about. I need to make my own mistakes to learn from them.
I guess you will too. Just wish you had left me out of this mistake and dealt with it without using me to get even with someone else!

I know my posts are a bit random lately, but that is how my brain is right now! I need to get things out of my head and this is the only way I know. Some of this will make sense to some of the people reading, alot of it wont. A few posts have been made private so only if you managed to read them will you understand or if you know me for reals! Which probably isnt something you want right now with how insane I sound! lol

Doggy time!

Soon.

H x

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Pondering … Insanity..?

22 Jul

Goodness I am working bloody hard this week and I feel fantastic! I keep wanting to push myself, I had to force myself to not go to the gym for the third time today, although the day isn’t over yet, so who know where I might end up!

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, I’m starting to wonder if I am now in that situation. I love my lattes, it’s definitely not the coffee I want or am addicted to, it’s the milk, can you be addicted to milk? Lol I have no clue, but I feel like I am.  I have tried to drink a normal coffee and I think it’s awful, just isn’t going to happen at all.  So what is it? I love going to Costa, I know them all there and see people come in I know and chat to them.

Oh so tasty!

Oh so tasty!

I do love being here (yes I’m here right now!!) I look forward to my cup of almost milk and adding my sweet n low to it.  It’s my treat, the highlight of my day (yes I’m still that sad) my reward before during and after the gym, well maybe not during, but you get the idea! It’s a running joke with every single person that knows me and even some that don’t, but I’m not finding it funny anymore. I want more weight loss, no I NEED more weight loss, but it’s not happening. So even though I really am not doing the same thing over and over, I am exercising alot and loving it, eating lots of protein and good fats with the occasional badness creeping into my pouch, am I the definition of insanity when I keep having lattes day in day out and expecting something to finally move?

I know Clares answer to this, when she finally stops decorating long enough to read this I’ll get a message saying it’s the carbs in the latte stalling me!  But it can’t really be true can it? I’m at the stage now where the best weight loss stops, the hunger comes back and stalls are inevitable, well they have been since surgery as I’ve lost so much, so is it a combination of all that, or is it just the one thing doing it? Can I give up Costa for a week to test it out? I don’t know. Should I try? Probably. Will I cope? I doubt it. I guess I need to decide if my sanity, health and weight loss are more important than my lattes and Costa people. I feel so frustrated by it though. I have given up everything I used to enjoy, yes for the better, I know I had to do it, I don’t drink, smoke or take drugs. Pepsi Max has gone, all things fizzy, carby food, pizza <3 Oh how I miss you, chocolate, cake, crisps anything that I had daily is gone. I drink gallons of water/vimto everyday without vimto I would still be struggling with Pepsi Max,  so is having a pint or two of milk every day that much of a bad thing? I’m starting to think so. Can I replace this addiction with the gym? Can I find something else that will work? I need to go on pinterest and find a new addiction! If anyone has any ideas I would gratefully receive them.

Soon

H x

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