Food Required!

I thought I had this. I did alot of research before surgery (14 years to be exact!) I had been reading blogs since I got online back in 2000, when surgery was still open and there was alot more recovery time, I knew the risks, complications and the good times. I would get through surgery and all would be good, I knew what I was doing!

How wrong was I!

I don’t have a problem with food per se, I’m not struggling in that sense, I’m the opposite, I just don’t care about it. I can go all day and not eat and not be bothered, but this has brought its own set of problems, as I mentioned in my last post.

The scales are stuck! Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.

My body seems to think it’s now starving (Hello body, you are NOT starving!!!) so it’s holding on to every damn bit of fat it can and this is stressing be out beyond belief.
I go back to see my surgeon Mr Barry on the 16 December and if I haven’t got well into the 130s by then I’m going to be so upset, I feel like such a failure, I can’t even describe it, it’s been just over two months now or ten weeks if you want to be precise and I’m pretty sure since I come out of hospital I have lost 3kg 3!! Thats about 6lb, that is not on in anyway at all.

So what do I do? Eat!

Sounds so simple doesn’t it. But I am just cooking for me and what I do get to eat is tiny, so the effort in cooking seems like a mountain to climb, just to get in a small amount of food, that you may or may not be able to finish. I need a chef, I have decided! One who understands my needs and will just bring me food on a regular basis, now that would be wonderful.

I’ve woken up a bit more positive this morning I think. I’m going to start by tracking my food again, I’ve just made a protein shake I am actually enjoying, so that’s a good start to the day, I’m waiting for some people to start some work on my house, then I think I shall go take the dogs for a walk and try to focus my head on the goals of today.

Eat. Food.

Simple, now I just need to find the food to eat, sometimes it’s hard being a vegetarian and I wish I wasn’t, but sadly I have no choice in it. I haven’t been able to eat meat since I was about ten years old, but I believe it would make life now, so much easier if I just could. But not a chance.

I guess I need a new motto!

Stats!

I made a stats page woo!!

All my info here if you want to see and some pics!

The ALL Important… STATS!

 

MIA … Sorry

A month, almost a month!

Before surgery I always wondered where people went after surgery. I would be sad when their posts would slow down, then eventually stop. I wondered why, now’s the time to post more, but apparently I’m guilty too and I now know why.

For two years I was completely and utterly focussed on surgery, it was all I thought about, eat sleep drink surgery! Every waking moment it was all I wanted and all I wanted to talk about, I had surgery and I got lost, my mind didn’t know what to think about, my reason for thinking was gone, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
When I came home from surgery, I felt fine, there were only small scars to show what I had been through and I thought I should still be doing everything the same, but oh how the tiredness came and I didn’t know why, I couldn’t understand what was going on, I wanted to be doing everything, but couldn’t do anything, it was a very weird feeling.

Tomorrow is 8 weeks since I had surgery. I am pretty sure I am back to “normal” now, but I am very frustrated  with the weight loss. Before the start of the pre op I was 163kg, today I am 141kg, it feels so slow to me. I know with Slimming World, I can lose 9lbs a week, so this is very frustrating, I came out of hospital at 145kg so to have only lost 4kg in 7 weeks is beyond annoying. I keep reading about how the body needs to heal and after seeing the nutritionist last week I know I was doing it all wrong, I wasn’t eating enough and nowhere near enough protein, she told me I should be eating about 800kcals and 60-90g of protein a day, some days I forget to eat, which I know in itself is a bad thing. So I have to eat more beans and pulses I’m slowly trying to do this, but as it’s not something I have ever done, it’s hard, but I’m working on it.

People have been very kind to me. Saying how good I am looking, how my face is changing, but I can’t really see it. I can from where I started as I have lost nearly 10 stone now (140lbs) but not since surgery.

I need to try to stay on top of all this and post more, fill in My Fitness Pal and track what I’m doing, but my brain is all over the place atm.

I have been thinking a lot this week about the surgery and all it’s implications.
I have realised that something has changed in me, whether I like it or not. It’s obviously a change out of necessity, because I can’t behave the way I used to around food anymore, but that is me making that choice, it would be so easy to sit there sucking on chocolate. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I am really making the right choices, but it was only this week that I have noticed how big of a mental thing it all is, when I’ve had people around me eating everything my brain still wants and I have said no, I’m not going to eat any of that, I don’t need it (probably in my head I am thinking I can’t have it anyway, it will make me poorly) but it’s making me feel good, knowing that I AM doing that for ME.
Even with the scales not moving, I would normally say oh screw it, but I haven’t and I’m loving that. It makes me realise how much of my life beforehand was for the instant gratifiction of seeing something I want and having it right away, no thought for consequences, (probably because it takes so long for weight to show up) my eyes saw it, my brain wanted it, my tummy got it. Regardless.

But people still think it’s the “easy” way out, they have no clue and are not worth our time.