Week is over!

Shiny book!

I made it woot woot!

The week is over and NOW I realise I should have used http://www.myfitnesspal.com lol never mind. Going to start recording from today I think.

So weigh in was last night, I was panicking like hell before I got on those scales, I was sure I hadn’t lost anything (stop weighing at Boots in the week Hayley!!!) and I lost 8lbs! Yay I broke my 1½ losses the last few weeks. Not only did I get my 2½ stone award and shiny, but my 3 stone and Club 10. I also got Slimmer of the Week! I was so pleased.

Sadly it looks like Clare is right, carbs are a no go, but don’t tell her I said that lol

I am at a weight now that I haven’t been in the nine years I have lived back in my home town. To say I’m happy is an understatement!

Now to keep this up, I have 12lbs, just 12!!! to get my BMI where I need it to be for the bypass instead of the sleeve, I hope I can do it.

Hx

 

Head is far behind

I needed to buy a top for the party last night, so yesterday when my dad picked me up I went and got one from Yours, I don’t normally wear colours, but didn’t want to wear black or white and saw this which I thought was cute.

While I was there I thought I would pick up some trousers, I don’t have that many as it is, but am so fed up of them dragging along the ground and getting wet (thank you British Summer Time!) I thought I would take a look. They had sizes in 30/32 and 26/28 then it was just 24, 22, 20 etc, so I thought I would get the 26/28, I didn’t try them on, the horror as I’m sure many of you will know or remember of trying to change into something in a changing room is just beyond awful, the sweating and hotness, the cramped spaces, the embarrassment if they don’t fit, no thank you, I will deal with it at home! So you either take things home hoping and praying that they fit, so you don’t have to return them to the shop, I hate doing that so, hooray if they do!

I got home and thought I better try everything on, the trousers were way too big and I thought damnit, I don’t want to wear them so they’re dragging again, but I didn’t want to ask my dad to take me back to town, so after talking to Clare I thought sod it, and got them together and went on the bus, I love the freedom I am getting now, it’s getting less and less scary being out there, but I still have my moments, mostly brought on by other people (A little girl in Boots, while I was weighing, I wanted to tell her she was a horrible little girl and her parents should be ashamed of her, but I restrained myself, pretended to be an adult and walked away!) but sometimes, just because my own head conjures up things people might be thinking and saying, I hate that so much.

I got to the store and was all hot and horrible, because it’s warm, but raining atm, so I had to have a coat on, the one good thing about Yours, they realise who their customer is and keep the aircon on, oh that was so nice as I was stood in the queue waiting to be served. I looked for a size 24 still not believing I could fit into it, I’ve always had to get the largest size in shops have which is usually 30/32 sometimes you may be lucky and get a 32/34 (the shame) but they didn’t have a 24, so I was contemplating just walking back out and making do, but something made me pick up the 22, think it was the thought of maybe getting my operation Soon™ [♥ WoW] or thinking they might fit in a few weeks, so I exchanged them not thinking they would even come close to me. Went and got a drink from Costa and got the bus back home.

Then I got my shock.. not only did they fit, they were not tight in the slightest, okay they are stretchy material and have an elastic waistband, but they fit, there is no way they would have a few months ago. Clare seems to think sizes have got bigger and maybe they have, but it made me feel a bit better before going out! I felt very good, which is a nice change :)

But it’s funny, I have read about people doing that, they see themselves are bigger than they actually are and I never thought I would be one of them, least not yet at this size!

I went to get a salad for dinner today, I had some red Devil Sauce with it, which I love, so god knows how many carbs in that, but I think I have done pretty well in that department, last day, woo. But it doesn’t really matter, I don’t know what I am doing wrong with my Byetta, but it is constantly making me sick, not just nausea, which is pretty bad, but terrible tummy pains and physically sick. I have been taking it for about five months now and Clare and most searches I have done seem to think the nausea should stop after six weeks and I shouldn’t be physically sick, especially not this far out, not unless I’m eating alot of food, which I can guarantee I am not, not even close. So I don’t know what is causing it, does anyone else have this experience with Byetta? I’ve read about pancreatitis being caused with Byetta, but I don’t think the pain is severe enough for it to be that, and it would be a bit dramatic! So Tuesday I shall ring Sian and see what she says I should do. But on the other hand, I do not want to stop taking it, because the thought of putting all this weight back on would be horrendous, I just don’t want to go there at all. So I don’t know what to do, two days in a row, I have been physically ill off small amounts of food, maybe its the fat in it, I’m not sure, but again, no food today, because I am now too scared to eat! Fun times.

If I don’t lose anything tomorrow I’m going to go crazy! You have been warned :p

H x

Wedding Bliss

I went to a wedding party tonight, the actual wedding was in Cypress last Monday, so they had a party for family and friends when they came back.

The bride was absolutely stunning in her dress, she seemed so happy and it was a lovely night.

All their wedding pictures were playing on a projection and it looked like an amazing day, the pictures with her husband to be and their children, such a happy little family.

It made me feel a little sad thinking about what I lost, what my weight got in the way of.

I miss having someone who knows me inside out.

It’s heartbreaking to know there was a way out of it and a possible chance of getting what I wanted but I never had the strength to get there. Makes most of my life seem totally worthless.

 

Food today was non existent, I had a carb free pizza, but I had byetta before I ate it and it didn’t stay in my tummy for long.

There was a hog roast tonight so that was totally out, I did get brought salad, but I was too scared in case I got ill again, so I sat there with my ice water and put some Go Splash into it instead!

I have to make it through tomorrow and my week is almost done. However, I really don’t think I have lost weight, which will be disappointing as hell! Never mind maybe I can commiserate with a Pizza Hut nomnom

Soon, H x

Fun day

I was brave again this morning, got in the bus and went to the next town. I know that won’t be anything major to most people, but it was a huge step for me. I met some interesting people on the bus too, it’s amazing how nice and chatty some people are, and they don’t judge, which is always a bonus!

I was meeting Clare, I’m so glad she found me on WLSinfo, I love her loads, we have been doing this together which makes it so much easier, she lifts me up when I’m down over not having surgery yet, she keeps me going. She does however walk like a lunatic and it’s hard for me to keep up with her, even her gorgeous four year old walks crazy fast.. I think she had to learn rather quick don’t think she had a toddle stage :p

We walked up the hill to Tesco, some nice body magic there and I picked up some things to make some no carb desserts, I shall show you my efforts tomorrow because I’m led in bed now. The cheesecake seemed like it was going to be lush though, very tasty indeed. It’s amazing what you can learn to do if you take the time and effort. Who would think you can make carb free cheese cake, not me that’s for sure!

I’m really enjoying doing this right now, do I miss carbs? I think I do, but I am coping so it’s not too bad, I thought I would be ready to kill by now, but I think just taking it day by day is helping loads, I tell myself if I really want something tomorrow then have it, but I haven’t given up, however I am struggling with the Slimming World aspect of this. I know how many syns, healthy extras and free food I can have, but I’m not taking that into consideration, because I need the cheese right now and healthy extras are all fibrey carbs which obviously I’m not having so I am a little scared of what this will mean for weight loss. Hopefully I will see something more than one and a half on Monday. I am still going because I love it there and my consultant is amazing, it’s my social night haha but oh well least I’m going out these days not like before. Three years being stuck in the house is no fun what so ever I can tell you.

I feel really proud of myself this week for sticking to this and going out on my own, it’s such a world away from when I was married, I wouldn’t want to go back there for anything.

Food today:
Babybel x2
Different nuts
4 egg omelette with cheese and onion
Some carb free cheesecake

More tomorrow x

Carbs, Carbs, Carbs!

I’m really starting to enjoy looking at whats in the food I want to eat.

Before I started this no carb week, I was buying some food in Asda and I wanted to be prepared in case I couldn’t cope, so I thought instead of bread, I’ll get some crackerbread, so I was looking for the one with the most protein and got that.

I’m already there!

Me and the lovely Clare (who is now tiny!!) are always talking about diets, carbs, wls, my surgery, her surgery, how slow mine is and how I can’t cope much longer, she must get so fed up, I know I am already lol but as she has been diabetic for so much longer than me she knows so much more and today she told me about this site for negating your carbs, I thought it was great so decided to share.

The link is here, but I also wanted to copy it in case it ever goes offline. So just to clarify, none of this is mine and it is from the website http://www.livestrong.com

 

Plants contain fiber that your body cannot digest and absorb. Fiber is an important part of a healthy diet, helping you lower cholesterol and blood sugar levels and preventing constipation. Fiber is also a type of carbohydrate, so it must be considered when you are on a low-carb diet. Because fiber cannot be digested, most low-carb diet plans allow you to subtract the amount of fiber in the foods you eat to determine the usable, net or effective carbohydrate count.

Step 1

Determine the amount of the food you plan to eat and how that relates to serving size. This information can be found on the nutritional information label, from the manufacturer or online. For example, if the serving size is 1/2 cup and you plan to eat 1 cup, you will be eating two servings.

Step 2

Determine the total amount of carbohydrates in the food you are eating per serving, and multiply that by the number of servings you plan to eat. Total carbohydrates are available in the nutritional information. If you were eating two servings of a food that contains 10 g of carbohydrate per serving, the total amount of carbohydrate is 20 g.

Step 3

Determine the total amount of fiber in the food you are eating per serving, and multiply that by the number of servings you plan to eat. Fiber is typically listed under the carbohydrate amount. Include soluble fiber and insoluble fiber. If you were eating two servings of food that contains 5 g of fiber per serving, the total amount of fiber you would be having is 10 g.

Step 4

Subtract the amount of fiber from the amount of carbohydrates. In the above examples, the resulting equation would be 20 g of carbohydrate minus 10 g of fiber for 10 net, usable, effective carbs.

Step 5

Count the net, usable or effective carbs against your total carbohydrate allowance for the day. Count the amount of fiber you are eating toward your daily fiber intake goal. In the above example, you would be consuming 10 g of carbs and 10 g of fiber.

Warnings

• When increasing your fiber intake, be sure to drink plenty of liquids to help prevent constipation.

Tips

• Sugar and sugar alcohols are listed as carbohydrates but cannot be subtracted because they do not contain fiber.

• Protein products such as meat, fish and eggs, and dairy products such as milk, cream and butter, do not contain fiber unless it has been added during processing.

• Including high-fiber foods in your low-carb diet allows you to eat more healthy fruits, vegetables and whole grains if they are allowed on your diet plan.

 

Another thing Clare is huge for is telling me she wishes she was a hunter/gatherer and wants to live like that again! She has no issues from where meat comes from, unlike most people who see it all packaged nice and pretty in the supermarket ready to cook. I however go all squeamish when she talks about it. And today she found out it actually has a name haha

Also not mine this comes from http://www.diabetes.co.uk

Paleo Diet

Paleolithic diets emulate those of our ancestors

The paleolithic (or paleo) diet is based on the food that is believed to be similar to the daily diet of cave people.

The theory is that the food that cavemen and cavewomen survived on is good for health because it was what the human body was meant to eat.

Paleolithic diets are thought to be especially useful for people with diabetes.

What is a Paleo diet?

Paleolithic diets are categorised into two groups of food, in and out.

In foods include pre-agriculture/animal foods such as:

• Meat
• Fish
• Shellfish
• Eggs
• Tree nuts
• Vegetables
• Roots
• Fruit
• Berries
• Mushrooms

Out foods, or Neolithic era foods, which resulted from either agriculture or domesticated animals.

This cuts out a lot of the bad aspects of a Western diet.

Why would someone eat a Paleolithic diet?

Many people who eat paleolithic diets are looking to return to their roots and eat more healthily.

Advocates argue that the human genome was stable with this diet for 40,000 years. Some attribute Western diseases to our food choices.

The Paleolithic diet and diabetes

The diet is a relatively low carb diet and therefore generated interest amongst people with diabetes. As paleolithic diet ingredients are all low GI, they therefore place a low demand on the pancreas and could reduce the amount of medication needed.

 

So anyway I’m still going strong, for me to keep track

Food today:

Apple

Babybel x3

Peanuts

Quorn burger x2

Halloumi Cheese

She’s on the other side

Linda is on the losers bench.

She was waiting for her bed and had to ring yesterday morning to see if one was available, I sent her a message and never heard back off her all day, so I was starting to worry/wonder what was wrong, then realised she must have gone in!

So I rang the hospital a few times and after a bit of detective work, I found her ward and spoke to the sister to ask if she was ok last night and they said yes she is fine.

She rang me this morning and sounded a little rough, she said she was sore and had bad pains from the gas, but she’s done it now, on the other side, I’m so pleased for her.

Hopefully will catch up more when shes feeling a bit better.

For Linda I hope you lose everything you need to and have a wonderful life xx

Bedtime

Today has been really stressful, but I’m pleased to say I didn’t give up.

I’m a good girl, I’ve never got into any trouble, I even hate the thought of it, but today I was in court and found guilty, guilty of not having a tv license! If you’re in the uk, you will understand what that means, if you’re not I will quickly explain.

If you own a tv you are expected to have a license to watch live television (anything being broadcast in current time) I think it costs about £150 a year. When my partner moved away I stopped watching tv, I spend most of my time at my computer anyway and I was paying for sky tv and not watching it so cancelled my package and a few months later after reading the declaration I cancelled my license because I only watched catch up or dvds. Any way last November I had two officers come to my door and asked to look at tv so I let them in thinking it was okay, how stupid of me, they found out I could still get freeview and I got cautioned! So it went to court today and I felt like a criminal, I was told I couldn’t plead not guilty because I signed the statement, I didn’t realise she was the prosecutor, she basically forced me into changing my plea to guilty, I’ve never done anything wrong before so I was very upset as I hadn’t watched the Damn tv, I still don’t, but now I have a criminal conviction all because of the tv.
I’m gutted, I don’t think it really affects anything, but I’m so annoyed by it because I’ve been truthful.
People find it hard to believe that I don’t watch tv, but I honestly don’t and now I’ve been punished for it.
Felt very sad today,  but I stayed strong!

Food today:
Apple
Cheese
Salad
Quorn sausage
Egg

Hopefully I will sleep better tonight.
Let’s see what tomorrow brings.
Sorry if the format is odd, I’m on my kindle

Ha Ha!

Well I fooled you.

This is not me telling you I have surgery like I said, sorry I lied :p

I feel like I’m never going to get surgery so I am going to moan, then moan some more and moan again, just for fun!

Linda phoned the hospital today, no bed for her, she has to phone tomorrow and I hope and pray there is one there so she can have surgery tomorrow. If not, I guess it’s another week on the pre op for her and another delay and disappointment.

I am so so annoyed by it all, I rang the hospital on Monday, I am so worried about my letter going missing, so I just want to check, I’ve done it about every two weeks, as I thought I was close with Linda getting hers and the lady wasn’t very happy about me ringing again, she said I don’t need to keep ringing, I will get my letter when I get it and it’s not going to go missing (cos shes going to deliver it personally of course!) I’m sure people get anxious especially about surgery like this, my life is on hold at the moment, there is so much I want to do and can’t because I’m waiting and waiting and waiting some more. I am so fed up of it all.

So I emailed Nia, to say I was sorry I kept ringing emailing etc every few weeks and was there any news, just so I have something to focus on, because the woman on admissions said she could see until the middle of July and there was nothing for me up until that point. Nia emailed back and said the anesthetist goes on holiday at the end of July, so baring any cancellations I’m looking at middle of August at the earliest.

It’s so frustrating, I really thought the process was quick and it’s been 16 months since that first meeting, it’s so disheartening, I just feel like time is running away and I’m going to be too old to do anything I want after surgery, (I know that still my biological clock screaming at me there and there is nothing I can do about it) I am panicking about it and no one can understand because they’ve not gone through the things I have. I pretend I’m okay with things, but sometimes I go to bed and I’m crying and I don’t know how or why, but I’m pretty sure it’s fear about what I’m never going to have.

I’ll go to bed tonight hoping and praying Linda can get her bed in the morning, because I want her to have it, but also for selfish reasons too, because at least I’m not delayed by another week, I know that is so wrong, and I feel incredibly guilty but I can’t help it :(

In other news, yesterday I decided to try and do a week of no carbs at all! I know it’s going to be hard, but I want to prepare for pre op diet and obviously post op, that will be different I know, but I want to give it a go. I have been reading up on carbs more lately with Clare and we have been talking alot about it and with her help I’ve realised some things. I am a vegetarian so carbs are all I live on with some protein with Quorn and eggs etc, so this week is going to be very hard, I’m not saying I’m going to make the whole week, but I’m working on it each day/meal at a time.

I’ve done well today; it is Day One after all! I am dreading when ketosis sets in, but hopefully I can fight through it and come out feeling better and losing a bit of weight, I would like to lose 7lbs this week, if I could do that I would be so happy, but lately it’s been 1½lbs which is very disappointing to me.

Food today:

2 quorn burgers with low low cheese slices on

Salad of lettuce, red onion, cucumber and tomatoes

4 egg omelette with milk, cheese and red onion

salted peanuts

I think that was good for me! But I do find it hard as I am following Slimming World too, so that is always in my mind and I’m afraid of eating something thats not on plan or going over on my syns and not having enough healthy  extras (2 As and Bs on Green!)

So sadly for anyone who reads (ty :D) I might be back alot this week just to keep my head focused and hopefully I can tell you Linda has had her operation (fingers crossed!!)

Bye for now! x

 

Time keeps moving along

Still no date, no letter, no nothing.

When I last spoke to Nia, I asked her again what I was on the list, there were 26!! before me, there had only been 14 the last time I asked months ago! But she said they are emergencies etc and said I was looking at July now for surgery.

 

It really feels like I’m never going to get this, not knowing or having a set date is really frustrating and knowing that if I hadn’t had to do that sleep apnea test I might well have been having surgery a week today is very depressing.

If I had known what to expect, I would have done what Clare did and bought my own and took the results with me, but it didn’t even cross my mind and it was only through reading here that Clare was smart enough to do it.

So if any of you are waiting and you are tired, snore etc and getting it done in a different health board other than your own, I would suggest buying your own oxemetry metre and take your results with you to save you time, heartache and sanity!

 

Which leads me to my link! Clare is selling hers , only been used once and shes a lovely person, so go buy buy buy, cheaper than Amazon! lol And free postage, isnt she kind :)

Save yourself the heartache of delayed surgery and buy this!

 

Oh I had the results of xrays yesterday, years ago I had an xray on my hips and was told I had arthritis, then I had another and they said I didn’t cos they couldn’t see anything because of the fat. But my hips having been playing me up as well as my spine, I’m in so much pain all the time, so I had more xrays, losing this 6 and a half stone has helped, because I do have arthritis in both hips as well as my facet joints in my spine, though I do need a ct scan on my spine to confirm, so yay me! :(

 

As soon as I know anything more, I shall be back, I’m only coming with good news next time, so if I’m gone for a year or two, you know why, I’m still waiting! :p